You Can’t…or Can You?

A high school career counselor told me that I was most suited to being a waitress or a greeting card editor.  This was after I had taken some weird skill assessment test.  “No, I’m going to study music and be a musician,” I said.  She told me that according to the test, I didn’t have the “manual dexterity” to be successful at something as complicated as playing a musical instrument.  The implication was that my life would be unhappy if I dared take a path other than the one designed by the testing machine.  There were others that warned me off for other reasons as well, but I was young and foolish and could not be dissuaded.  And here I am twenty years later doing exactly what I said I would.

I have a former student/friend I see from time to time for lunch and we play for fun.  During a recent visit the topic came up of whether a music teacher is doing a disservice to a student by not telling them if they don’t have “it.”  Making a living as a professional musician is tough.  There’s the constant hustle to win auditions, book gigs, and attract students, all for what may not amount to enough to live on, at least for a long time.  But there is a huge amount of freedom.  You can make your own schedule, be your own boss if you want, and some people thrive on the competition aspect of it, whether that’s building a teaching studio or winning an audition.  And if you're passionate about music, it's a great life.

The problem remains:  Is it a teacher’s job to warn off a student from going down the path of becoming a professional musician (or other things) if we believe they aren’t suited to it?  I still don’t know, and I think it keeps coming up because there isn’t a pat answer.  On the one hand, I don’t have a lot of respect for the people that discouraged me from doing something I’m passionate about.  I wonder if they had been more supportive if I might have learned more from them.  On the other hand, their lack of faith in me was a motivator that fueled me to try harder.   But I struggle with this with my own students?  Is it worth their anger/disappointment with me now to save them from something I might think is a mistake?

I just can’t squash someone’s dreams.  I think if this life isn’t right for them, that’s something they have to learn on their own.  And if that’s what they decide, I’ll support them in that decision too.  Am I doing the right thing?  I don’t know.  All I know is the people that told me I couldn’t do it were wrong.  I’d rather be wrong for believing in somebody than be right about their dreams being out of reach.